Jesus was guarding over the souls of the car in front of me and beside me a blonde woman was chatting on the phone and applying mascara while she steered with her knees. My legs are already beginning to lock up and my hips felt heavy on the itchy wool upholstery.
Two cars to the fight a guy was smoking a cigarette and the tobacco smoke was headed straight for my passenger window, which was broken, shattered by AAA when I locked my keys in the car and the tow guy forgot his "jimmy".
My dog started whining, a sign of either boredom or he had to pee. Great. I had only been on the road for 15 minutes and it was already starting. He’d be barking soon, I’d better pull over when I can.
Of course, the traffic around me was at a standstill and no one was making eye contact. I knew it would be difficult to move to the right through three lanes of cars without using some creativity, so I decided to bark like a dog and begin swerving from side to side so the other cars would clear a path for me.
It worked! In the past I have used variations of this same technique to exit crowded theaters, jump the line at take away restaurants, clear some space around me at a concert venue, and make people nervous in the checkout line.
I was just about to the first rest stop and I decided to risk driving on the shoulder as the dog began a frenzy of barking, banking wildly off the side of his crate, the sound shattering my eardrums as it tried to escape the enclosed space.
I pulled about midway into the stop and parked along a red curb near the restroom and a picnic table which was right outside the men’s room
A family was sitting at the table with a checkered vinyl tablecloth, balloons and half a dozen subway bags. The two younger kids were screaming as I let the dog out of the crate and he went barreling towards the trees at the back.