Sunday, April 3, 2011

Irritating Stranger Rev 1

OMG Aggie drawled, a very fake and pretentious accent clipping every word with hard edges. So obscure and amateur that I could hardly look her in the eyes. We were in the line in the ladies room at Lefty’s in Ketchum, when she got her period and asked to borrow a tampon once we were settled in adjoining stalls.



I can keep my mouth shut, I thought that’s the safest way to opt out. No that won’t work. So Aggie, how do you and Susan know each other? It was difficult even looking in her direction. She had a top on that was straining at the seams around her bosom and the cap sleeves revealed a sloppy job of washing, evidenced by wet circles of perspiration under her arms, outlined in cakey white anti-perspirant. Her top was hot pink with silvery cowboy hats on it and her matching pants emphasized an extreme lack of fitness. It could be worse, I thought, she could be in a miniskirt.


That blonde woman, what was her name Susan? You know, that loud drunk blonde who was drooling on Eddie. Susan, did you hear me? Susan, Aggie shouted over the other conversations in the hallway at my sister in law. Susan what was her name. I winced as her high pitched voice assaulted the other guests and several people looked in our direction with evident irritation.


I returned to the table and leaned back in my chair, hiding behind her bloated torso. Susan got unsteadily to her feet and glided around the table to where we sat. Aggie, what are you talking about she shrieked! You aren’t telling him about Lefty’s are you. As she leaned over her red wine sloshed against the side of the glass and sprayed onto Johnny’s raw silk shirt. Oh Johnny Susan said, I’ll buy you a new shirt. I’m so silly,


Aggie stood up and hugged Susan, both of collapsing in amusement at themselves.
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